Gaara on Trial
by halfdelita
Summary: Neji tries to persecute Gaara for his Sand Coffin Move with Hilarious Results!


**Gaara on Trial**

Gaara was standing in the Grand Court, with his arms crossed, expression inscrutable. His gourd of sand was strapped to his back, as usual, as none of the guards dared to remove it, unsurprising considering what he was in for.

The Baliff was a sullen Sasuke Uchiha, who wore a bored look as he announced, "All rise for his Honor, Naruto Uzumaki!" 'His Honour' in question flounced in, Red and white Hokage hat and robe on sideways, and a strip of ramen hanging from his cheek. The crowd rose as one.

"Okay lets get this over with before Ichiraku Ramen closes for the day!" The whiskered boy announced, and no one dared to contradict him. The state prosecutor, Neji Hyuuga, rose and pointed an accusatory finger at Gaara. "The state hereby accuses Gaara of the Sand of going on a killing rampage with his Sand Coffin Move, how do you plead?"

Gaara narrowed his eyes and lifted his hand menacingly towards Neji, who prepared to spin. He was stopped by a tentative hand on his, as his lawyer, Hinata Hyuuga, stopped him from eliminating the prosecution in a roomful of witnesses. "The defendant pleads not guilty your honour!" She squeaked.

"The let the trial begin!"

Neji unfurled a scroll of names, which plopped on the floor and rolled on and on and on and on… "We have a whole list of grievances. Unfortunately, most of them are deceased or 'not free to testify'" He shot a vicious glance at Gaara. "However, we do have shinobi witnesses who are uncowered by this chain-murderer"

Hinata spoke up immediately. "Objection your honor! Labelling without valid proof!"

Judge Naruto had attended the court presided by the 3rd so he knew exactly what to say. "Sustained! Neji, You will refer to Gaara from now on as 'The Sandman." By this time pervy sage had already fallen asleep and was snoring loudly from the benches, mostly because the pretty Nin Sakura and Ino weren't around for him to fantasise. The 5th was playing noisy dice at the back of the room.

Neji rolled his eyes but called his first witness to stand, Rock Lee. The bushy-browed skinny kid in the obscene green good-guy suit stepped forward and flashed his teeth. His teacher puffed proudly and flashed his teeth too.

"Did the defendant try to kill you during the Chunin Exams?"

"He saved me from being impaled by Kimimaro… All I got was a few broken bones from the testing…"

"You tried to kill Hinata then you bastard!" Naruto stood up and pointed angrily at Neji.

Neji quickly conceded the point and tried another avenue. He called upon Kiba and Akamaru. "Did you guys see him killing the shinobi from the Village hidden in the Rain mercilessly?"

"Um.. Actually, we heard him. Akamaru had his paws over his eyes and I was too terrified to move so yeah." Akamaru went "Scooby Dooby Doo!" And everyone's eyes popped out. The piper from the Sound 5 played her Demonic flute to cue too.

Neji was gnashing his teeth in frustration. This wasn't going as planned.

He called upon the people from the Village hidden in the Sand. "Did this boy recklessly kill many of you in his childhood?"

They looked to Gaara who was quickly dressed in a blue and white hat and robes similar to Judge Naruto, then to Neji, and decided they didn't like his soulless eyes. "He's our Kazekage, why should he?"

Neji nearly fainted in despair.

"I call upon… Orochimaru, to raise the spirit of his dead aunt to testify!"

Sasuke the Baliff's eyes suddenly blanked out and was replaced by the beady eyes of the snake jounin… "Yessssssssssssssss……"

Wisps of dead spirit gathered in front of Orochimaru and danced for him, and the silhouette of Gaara's dead aunt appeared.

"Yes… Gaara's living sand killed me… He's a monster…."

"Ah ha!!!"

Neji jumped on the evidence and stuck it in Hinata's face. Hinata's brow furrowed for a moment, then Naruto looked at her and she blushed. "Come on Hinata, you can do it!"

Hinata raised her law book and quoted. "According to Law Code 31 Section d, all living instances of accessories to murder must be brought to trial. Gaara..? Let the persecution interrogate your sand please…"

Neji glared daggers at Hinata and Naruto stifled a giggle. Gaara let his sand out and they formed obscene words and gestures on the floor about Neji's private parts. The court photographer quickly snapped dozens of pictures and parent's covered their delighted childrens' eyes.

Neji snapped and rushed at the impassive Gaara, prepared to strike him down, but tripped on some invisible wires Kankuro was manipulating.

"Enough Neji! I'm having you stripped of your robes for contempt of court!"

Temari took it literally and sent a gust of wind with her iron fan which shredded his clothes as well as his remaining dignity. The state prosecutor from the Hyuuga Clan now stood before the packed courtroom naked! He quickly covered up and gave the middle finger to Wind Mistress, while the court photographer took even more photos.

The only saving grace was that there wasn't live telecast.. and the girls – Sakura, Ino weren't around to see…

Unfortunately Shino was. So the scene was bugged.

A week later, Sakura and Ino were squealing over a YouTube video… Neji walked past them nonchalantly, keeping his cool… then noticed that they were watching a replay of the courtroom scene…

He screamed.


End file.
